My OCD
Recently I have discovered or just confirmed that I may be developing a little something called obsessive compulsive disorder. Certainly anybody who has seen me during the final days leading up to a fantasy baseball draft can vouch for this.
I don't mean to insinuate that I am otherwise mentally sound. I'm quite sure I have many other playful psychological disorders, but right now OCD really seems to be charging to the forefront. Do I need help? Probably.
Recent evidence of my OCD:
1. I took 2 hours to put christmas lights on our tree - it's 3 feet tall. I used 3 strings of lights. I said the phrase "not on that fucking branch" at least 15 times. I was also alone.
2. It takes me 30 minutes to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwhich and almost 45 to make a chicken sandwich. Everything has to be perfect, including the depth of the peanut butter (slightly deeper than the jelly, which must be grape) and the layers of chicken must be even throughout.
3. Every picture frame in our apartment must be straight. I've even been known to go around my friends' houses and correct improperly hung frames. In particular a friend of mine from high school, who I am quite sure tips all of the paintings in her parents' house before I get there just to watch me frantically run from room to room adjusting them.
4. I've caught myself counting the number of times I clap, the number of steps in a staircase, number of times I chew a bite of food, number of strokes when I pet the dog and how many tugs it takes me to successfully masturbate (127, which I know is a lot, but I'm a tough orgasm - just ask my wife, who will most likely spend her later years with some type of brace on her neck and back, and thoroughly regretting her choice of spouse).
5. I kept my finger and toe nail clippings in a minature metal replica of the United States Senate until I was 14 years old.
6. I've stopped shitting.
7. I insist on eating any facial hair that I shave off.
8. Only one person is allowed to cut my hair. And this has become something of a problem since my Aunt Milly was diagnosed with Parkinsons.
9. I've started a ball made of the white/black stuff that collects on your feet when you take off your socks. When it reaches 2lbs, I'm going to boil it. Then eat it.
10. Now, when I watch people sleep, I can't stop laughing about how weird their skin tastes.
11. Every list I make must be exactly 11 items long.
I don't mean to insinuate that I am otherwise mentally sound. I'm quite sure I have many other playful psychological disorders, but right now OCD really seems to be charging to the forefront. Do I need help? Probably.
Recent evidence of my OCD:
1. I took 2 hours to put christmas lights on our tree - it's 3 feet tall. I used 3 strings of lights. I said the phrase "not on that fucking branch" at least 15 times. I was also alone.
2. It takes me 30 minutes to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwhich and almost 45 to make a chicken sandwich. Everything has to be perfect, including the depth of the peanut butter (slightly deeper than the jelly, which must be grape) and the layers of chicken must be even throughout.
3. Every picture frame in our apartment must be straight. I've even been known to go around my friends' houses and correct improperly hung frames. In particular a friend of mine from high school, who I am quite sure tips all of the paintings in her parents' house before I get there just to watch me frantically run from room to room adjusting them.
4. I've caught myself counting the number of times I clap, the number of steps in a staircase, number of times I chew a bite of food, number of strokes when I pet the dog and how many tugs it takes me to successfully masturbate (127, which I know is a lot, but I'm a tough orgasm - just ask my wife, who will most likely spend her later years with some type of brace on her neck and back, and thoroughly regretting her choice of spouse).
5. I kept my finger and toe nail clippings in a minature metal replica of the United States Senate until I was 14 years old.
6. I've stopped shitting.
7. I insist on eating any facial hair that I shave off.
8. Only one person is allowed to cut my hair. And this has become something of a problem since my Aunt Milly was diagnosed with Parkinsons.
9. I've started a ball made of the white/black stuff that collects on your feet when you take off your socks. When it reaches 2lbs, I'm going to boil it. Then eat it.
10. Now, when I watch people sleep, I can't stop laughing about how weird their skin tastes.
11. Every list I make must be exactly 11 items long.
Labels: chicken, Christmas lights, OCD, sandwich
posted by Tent Time at 11:28 AM
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