Context
For anybody who has ever said or heard the phrase "That's taken out of context," I'd like to present to you, perhaps the greatest out of context line I have ever heard. It was said by my wife in an airport gift shop, and if anybody around us had overheard it, there might have been a riot.
In case any reader isn't familiar with the concept of a quote taken out of context, I'll happily provide two other recent examples that I've encountered. The first comes from my sister, who, during an argument with her husband exclaimed the following:
"You can't just beat off every boy in school."
What my sister was trying to say is almost irrelevant, but for the sake of posterity, she was discussing how to handle bullying in school.
My other top example comes from my place of former employment where a fellow coworker of mine, who will remain nameless, had a terrible habit of saying things in just the wrong way, and of course, having no idea. Her crowning achievement came in front of the entire office during a conference room staff-lunch, although sadly, most of the people at the table missed this little gem:
"I can't do these big groups anymore. My throat is killing me."
What could she possibly have been talking about? Good question, because I know it's hard to imagine anything other than some fantastical bukake or gang bang scenario, but sadly it's not to be. She ran tours of our ballpark (I used to work in minor league baseball) and often had to talk to groups of 50 or more kids, which of course required her to shout and thusly, made her throat sore. But it's much more fun without the context, right? Of course it is.
So here it is, the grandaddy of them all. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the single greatest out of context statement in the history of women speaking to men - which is decidedly shorter than the history of men speaking to women - go figure. Maybe it's because we find things like this funny, and they don't. Anyway here it is:
"I don't care. I just need to suck on something. It feels good."
I almost think it's cheating to explain what it was that made my wife say such a thing, but rest assured, dear reader, that a penis joke was coming out of my mouth faster than the speed of sound itself. So rather than just tell you, we'll play a little game of multiple choice. It was one of the following two reasons:
A. She loves to give me head.
B. She had a really bad sore throat, and it was her justification for purchasing two pounds of Jolly Ranchers.
Little hint - it wasn't A.
In case any reader isn't familiar with the concept of a quote taken out of context, I'll happily provide two other recent examples that I've encountered. The first comes from my sister, who, during an argument with her husband exclaimed the following:
"You can't just beat off every boy in school."
What my sister was trying to say is almost irrelevant, but for the sake of posterity, she was discussing how to handle bullying in school.
My other top example comes from my place of former employment where a fellow coworker of mine, who will remain nameless, had a terrible habit of saying things in just the wrong way, and of course, having no idea. Her crowning achievement came in front of the entire office during a conference room staff-lunch, although sadly, most of the people at the table missed this little gem:
"I can't do these big groups anymore. My throat is killing me."
What could she possibly have been talking about? Good question, because I know it's hard to imagine anything other than some fantastical bukake or gang bang scenario, but sadly it's not to be. She ran tours of our ballpark (I used to work in minor league baseball) and often had to talk to groups of 50 or more kids, which of course required her to shout and thusly, made her throat sore. But it's much more fun without the context, right? Of course it is.
So here it is, the grandaddy of them all. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the single greatest out of context statement in the history of women speaking to men - which is decidedly shorter than the history of men speaking to women - go figure. Maybe it's because we find things like this funny, and they don't. Anyway here it is:
"I don't care. I just need to suck on something. It feels good."
I almost think it's cheating to explain what it was that made my wife say such a thing, but rest assured, dear reader, that a penis joke was coming out of my mouth faster than the speed of sound itself. So rather than just tell you, we'll play a little game of multiple choice. It was one of the following two reasons:
A. She loves to give me head.
B. She had a really bad sore throat, and it was her justification for purchasing two pounds of Jolly Ranchers.
Little hint - it wasn't A.
posted by Tent Time at 1:22 PM
2 Comments:
I enjoyed this one and I have another quote taken out of context to add: the other day Samar exclaimed to the rest of her psychiatry colleagues, "I love my syphillis box!" Should I explain?
Please do not. Megan's mom also issued a classic a few years ago:
"I like to watch." Bravo.
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