Insomnia
So here it is, 5:30am and I'm still awake. For the record, this is only notable because this time, it's against my will. I want to be asleep. I've tried to be asleep. But a little nasal congestion has joined forces with insomnia and sent me out to our living room to look up Grady Sizemore baseball cards on eBay. I like to wonder sometimes if other people somewhere else in the city are ever doing what I'm doing. I feel like this is one of those times when they are not. If it was two hours earlier when I was masturbating to farm porn while exfixiating myself with a new belt I purchased (for this particular purpose only) then I would and did assume that there were several dozen people, if not more, all around the city doing that very same thing.
Speaking of which, we've lived in the city for almost 5 years now, and have always been in a building that looked across the street into another building. Fascinating, I know. Aren't you o the edge of your seat, dickhead? I've watched enough soft core porn in my life to know that voyeurism in big cities is much easier than in small towns. Despite this, the only nudity I've ever seen out of our windows is a rather large woman getting dressed and after having seen it, I immediately wished I hadn't. But I kept looking anyway. When will our time come to see the perky lesbians experimenting with hot wax, or some other such erotic encounter? Also, contrary to what Cinemax will try and teach you from 1:00 - 3:00 am, the laundry room in apartment buildings is not, I repeat not a hotbed of sexual activity. It's still fun to jerk off into full washing machines, though (old college trick).
Why I am having trouble sleeping? That's a good question, so lets look at some possibilities:
- Fantasy baseball drafts are only two and half months away. And yes, I'm starting to think about them. Too much. And certainly when laying in bed naked, spooning my wife last night it was not the best time to start discussing the right round to draft Derrek Lee this year. Live and learn.
- Our dog recently stopped sleeping in bed with us and maybe I miss the warm, gentle gusts of wind that she would occasionally waft towards me from her anus every few hours.
- I watched football today, and anybody who read my last post (You three know who you are) knows that I don't usually do that, so maybe my brain is messed up trying to figure out why baseball started using a different ball. And totally different rules.
When I'm lying in bed my mind really starts to wonder. Tonight alone it went from fantasy drafts to my need for new sneakers to the movie "Sneakers", to "Field of Dreams" (which is a movie that almost always makes me cry, which almost always causes my wife to mock me mercilously, despite the fact that she cries during every makeover show on TV and recently will only watch programs that begin with the phrase "America's Funniest"), to little league baseball, to catching crabs in Cape Cod (from the ocean, not dirty Cod sluts), to things I could do instead of sleeping. The only three things I came up with were fantasy baseball reading, Text Twist or blogging. After doing the first two, I was left to blog.
Much like reading my blog, writing it this morning is making me a little sleepy. Maybe this is my perfect cure. I hope so, because my neck is a little too sore for another go with my new belt. Though if my overweight neighbor across the street is up...
Speaking of which, we've lived in the city for almost 5 years now, and have always been in a building that looked across the street into another building. Fascinating, I know. Aren't you o the edge of your seat, dickhead? I've watched enough soft core porn in my life to know that voyeurism in big cities is much easier than in small towns. Despite this, the only nudity I've ever seen out of our windows is a rather large woman getting dressed and after having seen it, I immediately wished I hadn't. But I kept looking anyway. When will our time come to see the perky lesbians experimenting with hot wax, or some other such erotic encounter? Also, contrary to what Cinemax will try and teach you from 1:00 - 3:00 am, the laundry room in apartment buildings is not, I repeat not a hotbed of sexual activity. It's still fun to jerk off into full washing machines, though (old college trick).
Why I am having trouble sleeping? That's a good question, so lets look at some possibilities:
- Fantasy baseball drafts are only two and half months away. And yes, I'm starting to think about them. Too much. And certainly when laying in bed naked, spooning my wife last night it was not the best time to start discussing the right round to draft Derrek Lee this year. Live and learn.
- Our dog recently stopped sleeping in bed with us and maybe I miss the warm, gentle gusts of wind that she would occasionally waft towards me from her anus every few hours.
- I watched football today, and anybody who read my last post (You three know who you are) knows that I don't usually do that, so maybe my brain is messed up trying to figure out why baseball started using a different ball. And totally different rules.
When I'm lying in bed my mind really starts to wonder. Tonight alone it went from fantasy drafts to my need for new sneakers to the movie "Sneakers", to "Field of Dreams" (which is a movie that almost always makes me cry, which almost always causes my wife to mock me mercilously, despite the fact that she cries during every makeover show on TV and recently will only watch programs that begin with the phrase "America's Funniest"), to little league baseball, to catching crabs in Cape Cod (from the ocean, not dirty Cod sluts), to things I could do instead of sleeping. The only three things I came up with were fantasy baseball reading, Text Twist or blogging. After doing the first two, I was left to blog.
Much like reading my blog, writing it this morning is making me a little sleepy. Maybe this is my perfect cure. I hope so, because my neck is a little too sore for another go with my new belt. Though if my overweight neighbor across the street is up...
posted by Tent Time at 2:31 AM
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