Doing Vegas Right!
In Vegas for a bachelor party. 10 guys. MGM Grand Hotel. This was my Saturday:
11am: Wake up after 4 hours of "sleep." Re-orient self. Notice male friend in bed with me, no recollection of how that happened. Hope like hell I didn't drunkenly fuck him or try to suck his dick.
Noon - 4pm: Relax in the MGM pool. Oggle Vegas ass, and hope that chlorine kills the STD's that are probably floating around. In lieu of breakfast or lunch, Drink fruity drink from a two foot high souvenir glass. Very disturbed by how few people seem to be leaving the pool to go the bathroom.
4-5pm: Attempt 4 man nap in room with 2 beds. Get distracted watching Marlins-Cubs game on TV. When someone turns the game off, conversation drifts toward masturbating and then awkward silence. The game is turned back on.
5-7pm: 4 man nap in the room. Wake up at 7 feeling about as horrible as possible. I can't move. The only thought in my head is that if I killed the other three guys, I could go back to sleep.
7-8:15pm: 4 guys take turns showering. We're late for dinner reservation because one of us has to iron his "going out shirt" and put more gel in his hair. We all confirm our heterosexuality by not ever asking each other how we look. Grab an ice cold Smirnoff Ice for the walk to dinner.
8:30-11:30pm: Eat $100/person dinner at pricey seafood restaurant. Watch buddies drink white wine and discuss Sea Bass. Guy next to me gets completely hammered, and says out loud, unsolicited and to nobody "Man, I should have fucked that Asian chick five years ago."
11:35pm: Dinner over, at ATM with friend, get mistaken for gay couple in our 40's on our way to Rod Stewart Concert. More details on that in previous blog.
Midnight: Standing outside Studio 54 Night Club, I ask the Bachelor if he really wants to go inside. He says: "Yeah, man. I feel like dancing."
Midnight-3am: Inside Studio 54 with 9 other guys. We dance, we laugh, we get bottle service and drink Vodka-Cranberries. Realize that hot female dancer on podium has been replaced with a shirtless guy. Begin to wonder if the Bachelor is marrying a man or woman or if I've drunkenly wandered into a different all gay club. Again.
3:15am: Realize that my eyes are having a hard time focusing. Drink an entire Red Bull to try and sober up/stay awake. This fails. Of the 9 of us that came in, only about 4 others remain. Have an actual fantasy about just laying down in my bed and going to sleep. Slip out the door and drunkenly stumble back to room.
9am: Wake up with same male friend in bed with me again. I'm ony wearing boxers, but have no recollection of taking my clothes off. Wonder aloud if last night was the gayest heterosexual bachelor party ever. Bed-mate responds with disturbing overconfidence: "Oh yeah."
11am: Wake up after 4 hours of "sleep." Re-orient self. Notice male friend in bed with me, no recollection of how that happened. Hope like hell I didn't drunkenly fuck him or try to suck his dick.
Noon - 4pm: Relax in the MGM pool. Oggle Vegas ass, and hope that chlorine kills the STD's that are probably floating around. In lieu of breakfast or lunch, Drink fruity drink from a two foot high souvenir glass. Very disturbed by how few people seem to be leaving the pool to go the bathroom.
4-5pm: Attempt 4 man nap in room with 2 beds. Get distracted watching Marlins-Cubs game on TV. When someone turns the game off, conversation drifts toward masturbating and then awkward silence. The game is turned back on.
5-7pm: 4 man nap in the room. Wake up at 7 feeling about as horrible as possible. I can't move. The only thought in my head is that if I killed the other three guys, I could go back to sleep.
7-8:15pm: 4 guys take turns showering. We're late for dinner reservation because one of us has to iron his "going out shirt" and put more gel in his hair. We all confirm our heterosexuality by not ever asking each other how we look. Grab an ice cold Smirnoff Ice for the walk to dinner.
8:30-11:30pm: Eat $100/person dinner at pricey seafood restaurant. Watch buddies drink white wine and discuss Sea Bass. Guy next to me gets completely hammered, and says out loud, unsolicited and to nobody "Man, I should have fucked that Asian chick five years ago."
11:35pm: Dinner over, at ATM with friend, get mistaken for gay couple in our 40's on our way to Rod Stewart Concert. More details on that in previous blog.
Midnight: Standing outside Studio 54 Night Club, I ask the Bachelor if he really wants to go inside. He says: "Yeah, man. I feel like dancing."
Midnight-3am: Inside Studio 54 with 9 other guys. We dance, we laugh, we get bottle service and drink Vodka-Cranberries. Realize that hot female dancer on podium has been replaced with a shirtless guy. Begin to wonder if the Bachelor is marrying a man or woman or if I've drunkenly wandered into a different all gay club. Again.
3:15am: Realize that my eyes are having a hard time focusing. Drink an entire Red Bull to try and sober up/stay awake. This fails. Of the 9 of us that came in, only about 4 others remain. Have an actual fantasy about just laying down in my bed and going to sleep. Slip out the door and drunkenly stumble back to room.
9am: Wake up with same male friend in bed with me again. I'm ony wearing boxers, but have no recollection of taking my clothes off. Wonder aloud if last night was the gayest heterosexual bachelor party ever. Bed-mate responds with disturbing overconfidence: "Oh yeah."
Labels: bachelor party, Vegas
posted by Tent Time at 2:20 AM
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