Just Talkin' With My Mom
So I suggested that my mom check out the new movie "GET LOW" with Robert DuVall and Bill Murray. When I mentioned the movie's title, I was led into the following conversation that I wish we never head and am still trying to forget.
MOM: Oh, I won't like that. It sounds dirty.
ME: What?
MOM: I know what that means.
ME: You know what what means?
MOM: Getting low.
ME: Okay, what does it mean?
MOM: I have to tell you? Fine, isn't it when a black guy - wait, you know what this means.
ME: I swear I have no idea.
(At this point, my curiosity was off the charts and the fact that I'd successfully gotten my 70 year old mother to stop using the word "colored" so that was also a plus.)
MOM: It's when a married black man has gay penis sex with another black man.
(That's the worst kind of gay sex. Gay penis sex. Whenever you first hear of two men having sex - and gay sex at that - you always hold out hope that at least penises weren't involved. Sadly, it's rarely the case.)
ME: Does the other guy also have to be black.
MOM: I think so.
(She's not sure on that one and to be honest, I'm relieved. The less secure my mom is about her knowledge of the closeted gay black community, the better I'll sleep at night.)
ME: Look, I don't know if there's a term for any of that specifically, but I think the term you're thinking of is "on the down-low." But as far as I know, that can be used for anything done in secret.
MOM: Oh. So what's it called when two col--I mean black guys have penis sex with other?
ME: There's no term. And stop calling it penis sex.
MOM: Why? They use their penises don't they?
ME: Yes, but you never called sex with dad penis sex do you?
MOM: Not all the time.
(Admittedly, this part is all my fault. For some reason that was the best example I could think of to prove that the term "penis sex" was ridiculous and it truly blew up in my face.)
ME: I'm hanging up the phone, turning it off, taking out the battery and setting it on fire.
MOM: Okay, well I won't keep you. We'll see the movie, but if I have to watch any gay penis sex, you're going to hear about it from me.
ME: That seems more than fair.
MOM: Oh, I won't like that. It sounds dirty.
ME: What?
MOM: I know what that means.
ME: You know what what means?
MOM: Getting low.
ME: Okay, what does it mean?
MOM: I have to tell you? Fine, isn't it when a black guy - wait, you know what this means.
ME: I swear I have no idea.
(At this point, my curiosity was off the charts and the fact that I'd successfully gotten my 70 year old mother to stop using the word "colored" so that was also a plus.)
MOM: It's when a married black man has gay penis sex with another black man.
(That's the worst kind of gay sex. Gay penis sex. Whenever you first hear of two men having sex - and gay sex at that - you always hold out hope that at least penises weren't involved. Sadly, it's rarely the case.)
ME: Does the other guy also have to be black.
MOM: I think so.
(She's not sure on that one and to be honest, I'm relieved. The less secure my mom is about her knowledge of the closeted gay black community, the better I'll sleep at night.)
ME: Look, I don't know if there's a term for any of that specifically, but I think the term you're thinking of is "on the down-low." But as far as I know, that can be used for anything done in secret.
MOM: Oh. So what's it called when two col--I mean black guys have penis sex with other?
ME: There's no term. And stop calling it penis sex.
MOM: Why? They use their penises don't they?
ME: Yes, but you never called sex with dad penis sex do you?
MOM: Not all the time.
(Admittedly, this part is all my fault. For some reason that was the best example I could think of to prove that the term "penis sex" was ridiculous and it truly blew up in my face.)
ME: I'm hanging up the phone, turning it off, taking out the battery and setting it on fire.
MOM: Okay, well I won't keep you. We'll see the movie, but if I have to watch any gay penis sex, you're going to hear about it from me.
ME: That seems more than fair.
posted by Tent Time at 1:52 AM
1 Comments:
That is the funniest thing I've read in a long time. I'm crying laughing right now.
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