Saturday, July 31, 2010

Did We Just....

...Bribe a Mexican Airline employee?

My wife and I asked about upgrading our coach tickets back from Mexico and we were told by a gentleman at the counter that the cost to do so was $165/person and had to be done at a different counter.

We muttered and looked off at the other counter for a few moments, when the gentleman suggested another course of action.

"Or, for $100 cash, I can upgrade you right here."

Perfect, we thought. I put five 20's on the counter and the gentleman put some papers on top of the cash and dragged it down to his desk. Ten minutes later were in the First Class lounge enjoying free Wi-Fi, free booze and for some reason, packages of cookies that had pictures of chocolate chip cookies on them but did not in fact contain any chocolate chip cookies.

After angrily complaining about the cookie situation to several disinterested employees - several of whom pretended not to know what I was saying, but they knew, they had to know. Who wants to open a package of chocolate chip cookies and get some fucking ginger cookie instead. What the fuck? If I bought a bag of Milano cookies and got home to find it was full of fucking Chessmen, I'd race back to the grocery store and shove that bag of cookies up someone's ass.

But anyway, after I cooled down a bit, my wife asked me "Did we just bribe a Mexican Airline employee?"

Well, I sure as shit did not get a receipt for my $100 and I also flat out saw him put the cash into his own pocket. So, yes, I think we did.

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Battle of Respected Actresses

So we just saw THE KIDS ARE ALL RIGHT and Annette Benning answers the gauntlet dropped last fall by Meryl Streep. And no, I'm not talking about a top notch performance or character acting.

Which respected middle-aged actress has the best delivery of a completely unexpected, hilarious and vulgar line of dialogue:

Meryl Streep in IT'S COMPLICATED

"I do like a lot of semen."

vs

Annette Benning in THE KIDS ARE ALL RIGHT

"I need your observations like I need a dick in my ass!"

I think this one is just too close to call.

Thursday, July 08, 2010

Scenes From a Marriage: Vol. 9

"AAAAHHHHH! I don't like it!"

That was how my wife greeted me when I left the bathroom last night after shaving off my goatee.

In her defense, I've had it for 3 years and my face does look weird without it. But that was not the vote of confidence I was hoping for/desperately needed.