Suicidal Thoughts

Talking with my mom on the phone today, she mentions that she now watches Keeping Up With the Kardashians. Regularly. She's also a fan of Chelsea Lately, but since that show is actually funny, it doesn't concern me.

My mom had questions about the Kardashians:
1. Who are they?
2. Are they famous? For what?
3. Why are they on TV?
4. When did Bruce Jenner become a woman?

I didn't have an answer for these questions. Who are they? Awful people. Are the famous? I suppose. For what? I have no idea. The last two are great mysteries as well.

Somehow, and I'm not sure how it happened, we started to argue. I didn't even realize it was an argument until five minutes had gone by and we still disagreed. That's when it hit me. My mom and I had just spent 5 minutes discussing the Kardashians. Specifically, which daughter was most attractive. This had happened. 5 minutes of our lives were gone. They weren't coming back. And we'd spent them in quite possibly, the worst way imaginable.

Things I would rather do for five minutes or would even feel better about having done for five minutes include but are certainly not limited to: punching myself in the face, running up a hill, drinking milk, shaving my balls and or course - killing the Kardashians.

When I thought about the fact that the Kardashians had just taken up 5 minutes of my day, I really wanted to kill myself. What was the point of going on? My mom somehow talked me down and I'm grateful for that. Because if she hadn't, then I wouldn't have been able to spend these last 10 minutes blogging about the Kardashians. And clearly, my life really needed that.


*By the way, in case you were wondering, I said Kim and my mom one of the other ones.